Woman with an ash urn embarks on a solo trip through the woods | Source: Midjourney
I thought this journey would be simple. Just me, my mother’s ashes, and the forest she never got to finish. But as I walked deeper into the woods, I realized something else awaited me. A truth I never expected. Something that would change my life forever.
Standing at my mother’s funeral, I felt like the ground beneath me had crumbled. The breeze whispered through the trees, but it wasn’t soothing. It only reminded me of the silence she had left behind.
My mom was my closest friend, the person I could always turn to when the world became too heavy. Now, with her gone, everything seemed suffocatingly quiet.
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“I’m so sorry for your loss, Thea,” Aunt Claire said, gripping my hand. “I know it’s hard now, but time will heal. You’ll see.”
I just nodded, unable to find words.
Time heals? No. Time doesn’t heal. It only stretches the pain into longer, unbearable threads.
Each passing second felt like a reminder that she wasn’t coming back. Worse, I couldn’t have children. Without her, the idea of a future, of passing on memories, felt pointless.
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What did I have left?
My family had tried to surround me, to fill the void with their voices and presence, but I couldn’t bear it. They didn’t understand the hollow ache that throbbed inside me.
Every corner of our house was filled with her absence. Her favorite blanket still hung over the armchair; her scent lingered in the air.
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I stared at her old, shabby diary, the one she had used to plan her dream journey through the forest to Crabtree Falls.
She never got to finish it. Her illness had taken that from her, just as it had taken her from me. I traced the worn edges of the diary with my fingers, feeling a strange pull toward it.
I’m going to complete her journey.
I couldn’t give her life back, but I could walk the path she never finished.
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***
The next day, I told my family. My brother shook his head, concern etched across his face.
“Thea, you can’t be serious. Going into the forest alone? It’s dangerous.”
“You should stay here,” Aunt Claire added softly. “With family. You don’t need to do this.”
But I did. I needed to connect with her in some way that wasn’t just memories and empty rooms.
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“She wanted to finish the journey, and now I will. For her.”
Their protests blended into background noise as I packed my bag. I took the diary, tattered and fragile, with me. Each page had her handwriting.
The last page remained empty, waiting. I had to fill it. The forest called to me, a place where I could finally confront the silence she left behind.
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***
The forest wasn’t just a challenge. It was a battle. Every step felt like a test, and I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to pass.
“Come on, Thea,” I muttered to myself. “Just one step at a time.”
But even as I said it, I could feel the exhaustion pulling at me. My feet slipped on the muddy path, and I grabbed a branch to steady myself.
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“Ugh! This mud!” I groaned, shaking my foot free from the thick mess.
The cold and dampness soaked through my boots, chilling me to the bone. My legs were heavy, every muscle burning.
The forest seemed endless, a never-ending maze of trees and shadows.
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When I reached the river, I stopped, staring at the water. It had risen and looked wild from the rains.
“Are you kidding me?” I said out loud, frustrated. “How am I supposed to cross that?”
Stepping into the water, I gasped.
“Oh! That’s freezing!”
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The cold bit at my legs, sending a shiver through my whole body. I focused on the other side, determined to make it. But the current pushed against me, stronger than I’d expected. My feet slipped on the rocks, and I struggled to keep my balance.
“Don’t fall, don’t fall!” I chanted to myself, gripping my backpack tighter. But as soon as I said it, my foot caught on something beneath the water.
“No! No!”
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The backpack slipped from my hands, and I watched in horror as it was swept away by the river.
“Oh, no! No, no, no!” I shouted, trying to reach for it, but it was gone.
I stood there, frozen, watching my supplies disappear downstream.
“Great. Just great. Now what, Mom? What do I do now?”
The only things left were the urn with her ashes and her journal, both tucked safely inside my jacket. I pressed them closer to my chest as if holding onto them could somehow bring her back.
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“At least I still have you,” I whispered, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat.
I pushed myself up, every muscle screaming in protest. My legs felt like lead, and the path ahead seemed to stretch on forever.
Climbing the hill was torture. My foot slipped on a root, and I went down hard.
“Ow! Oh, come on!” I shouted, clutching my arm.
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The pain was sharp, shooting through my body. I lay there for a moment, panting, staring up at the darkening sky. I closed my eyes.
“Mom… are you here?” I whispered. “I don’t know if I can do this. I’m so tired.”
There was no answer, of course. Just the rustling of the wind through the trees. I began to cry. I was crying out loud.
“A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a–a!”
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Again and again. Lots of times. My pain was so deep.
“Wo-o-o-o-o-o! A-a-a-a-a!”
Lying on the ground, too exhausted to move, I closed my eyes. The cold earth seemed to drain the last of my strength. Suddenly, a memory surfaced…
I remember being sick as a child, burning with fever, and feeling helpless. Mom was lying with me in my bed.
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In my deepest moment of despair, I heard the voice.
“Do you know why we named you Thea?”
I shook my head.
“‘Theo’ means ‘God.’”
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“Your father and I wanted you to have a name with strength, something to remind you that you are never alone. You are a gift from God. That name carries power, Thea.”
“But I don’t feel strong,” I mumbled, close to tears.
She leaned closer.
“Strength doesn’t always feel strong, my dear. It’s knowing that God is with you, even in your hardest moments. You carry that strength inside you, always.”
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Her words echoed in my mind now, lying there in the forest, broken and lost.
“You’re stronger than you think, Thea. You’re never alone,” she whispered as if sitting beside me once more.
I opened my eyes, looking at the sky.
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Mom’s words gave me the strength to keep going. One slow step at a time, I pushed through the pain. My arm throbbed, my legs burned, but I couldn’t stop. Not yet.
And then, through the trees, I saw the cabin.
“Oh, thank God,” I breathed, stumbling toward it.
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Mom had told me about this place. It felt like a small piece of hope, a sign that I could make it through.
“Mom, I’m here,” I whispered, reaching for the door. “I’m going to finish this. For you.”
***
As soon as I stepped into the cabin, the cold air hit me like a wave, and I felt the familiar ache creeping into my body. My head spun, my muscles ached, and a fever seemed to burn through me.
It was the same as what my mother had felt. I collapsed onto the floor, too weak to move, staring at the old wooden ceiling.
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This is where it happened. This is the place where she fell ill, where the rescue services found her. And now, here I am, in the same spot, feeling the same weakness.
I lay there, unable to fight it. My body gave in, and for a moment, so did my mind.
“I can’t do this,” I muttered, eyes heavy with exhaustion. “I’m not strong enough.”
The room blurred around me, the edges fading as I drifted into sleep. That night, in the quiet of the cabin, I dreamed of her. She appeared beside me, smiling.
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“Mom? I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
“Dear, it’s time to let me go. There is no hurt anymore.”
“I don’t know if I can. I don’t know how to move forward without you.”
She reached out, brushing a strand of hair from my face, just like she used to when I was little.
“You can, Thea. I’ll always be with you, but this is your journey now. You have to walk it alone.”
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I wanted to hold onto her, but I knew she was right. This was my path to walk.
***
When I woke up, the morning light streamed through the cracks in the cabin walls. The pain wasn’t physical. A part of me had been holding onto her for too long, and I realized that this journey was about letting go.
Slowly, I stood up, took out the urn with her ashes, and walked outside.
“Goodbye, Mom,” I whispered, scattering her ashes, and letting her go at last.
The pine trees were slowly moving in the morning light. I was ready to finish my trip alone.
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***
When I finally reached Crabtree Falls, the sight took my breath away. The waterfall cascaded down the rocks, the water crashing into the pool below with a powerful roar.
Mist filled the air, swirling around me as if the very spirit of the place welcomed me. I stood there, frozen for a moment, just taking it in.
“I made it.”
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Without thinking, I began to strip off my dirty clothes. The cold wind brushed against my skin, but I didn’t care. I stepped toward the water, feeling the icy spray on my face.
When the water reached my waist, I paused, letting the freezing temperature settle in.
“This is for you, and for me,” I said aloud.
I lowered myself into the water, feeling the rush of cold envelop me completely. The shock of it took my breath away, but I stayed under, letting the water wash over my body.
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The waterfall was stripping away everything I had carried with me on this journey: the pain, the fear, the sadness. It was washing it all away, leaving me bare but clean, renewed.
When I finally stood up, the water dripping from my body, I felt different. Something inside me had shifted. The weight I had carried since my mother’s death seemed to have been lifted.
“I can move on.”
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I dressed quickly and started walking away from the waterfall. The road wasn’t far, and when I saw a car approaching, I waved it down.
The driver, an older woman with kind eyes, pulled over and asked, “Need a ride?”
“Yes, please,” I replied, climbing in.
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As we drove, I stared out the window, watching the forest blur past. A new purpose filled me—a desire to give love and care to someone who needed it.
I decided then and there that I would adopt a child, to offer them a chance to shape their own path in life.
My journey wasn’t over. It was just beginning.
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